How Can You Save Me When I Can't Save Myself?
by Myster M
Summary: When Ginny breaks up with Harry because he's too nice for her, Harry's world is tilted off its axis. It will take an unlikely source to set things straight again. Takes place in 7th year. Each chapter is based on a song from my favorite playlist. Drarry fanfic, rated M for majority of chapters. Cursing, sex, angst, violence, descriptions of abuse, self harm, and attempted suicide.
1. Lost

"Ginny, wait up!" Harry called after his girlfriend as he watched her fiery red hair whip out of sight through the portrait hole. Harry swiftly picked up his books and followed her as quickly as he was able while shoving his things haphazardly into his bag. Looking around, he caught a glimpse of crimson starting down the stairs in front of him and he broke into a jog to catch up before the staircase decided on a change of scenery.

"Ginny, didn't you hear me?" he panted as he caught up to her. He laid a hand on her shoulder and opened his mouth to ask how her day was going but hurriedly shut it again as his hand was harshly slapped away and Ginny spun around to glare at him.

"What's…what's wrong?" he asked hesitantly, swallowing hard.

"What's _wrong_?" she hissed, and Harry flinched back from the venom lacing her tone. "What's _wrong_ is that this relationship isn't at all what I thought it would be. _You_ are not the person I thought you would be."

Harry cast a glance around them. Spotting an empty classroom, he grabbed Ginny's resisting arm and dragged her inside, locking the door behind then. Mentally he said an apology to Ron, who would be facing Professor Snape's class alone from the look of things.

"What's this all about, Ginny?" he asked quietly once the door was shut. He could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage with frightening strength and fought to breathe and remain calm as he looked at the woman he loved.

"I'm breaking up with you," Ginny replied. "You can't tell me you didn't see this coming. I've been unhappy for weeks now, or haven't you noticed?"

"I did though! Every time I tried to spend time with you or talk to you, you just brushed me off! Why Ginny? Why are you doing this? Help me understand, maybe we can work it out!"

"We can't!" she shrieked. Harry took a step back, quailing before her sudden temper. "Wecan'twork it out, Harry. Because the fact of the matter is, you are so unbelievably kind it issuffocatingme. I can'tstandit anymore! Every time you've saved me, I've had to restrain to urge to hex you. Every time you've bled for me, I've wanted to hurt you myself. Every time you drop everything to be with me, I want to scream." She paused to breathe and Harry blinked in confusion.

"You're…you're breaking up with me because I'mnice?" he choked out, shocked.

Ihate you for the sacrifices you made for me

I hate you for every time you ever bled for me

I hate you for the way you smile when you look at me

I hate you for never taking control of me

"Yes. Harry," she sighed and leaned back on a table, "you're too…gentle with me. I was never really comfortable with it. I didn't want gentle. I wanted something more but I didn't know what. Look, this will probably just go over your head but I need to explain or you'll never get it. A few weeks ago, I read an article inWitch Weeklyabout a community in London, a community made up of dominants and submissives. I'm a submissive, Harry. I need force, I need rules, I need pain. I've found someone who provides that for me and I am very happy with him. I need you to just let me go. Knowing you, I'm sure you're going to take your sweet time about it and sink into a depression, but I just can't bring myself to care about your feelings anymore. Whatever was between us has turned to hate on my part."

I hate you for always saving me from myself

I hate you for always choosing me and not someone else

I hate you for always pulling me back from the edge

I hate you for every kind word you ever said

I'll bleed you dry now

Harry could do nothing but watch as Ginny marched past him and out the door, slamming it shut behind her. Harry sat alone, not even recognizing when the candles on the wall burned out and left him in darkness.

The hours passed without him noticing, content to just stare into the black where he assumed a wall was and let his mind remain blank. He stirred finally upon hearing a muffled voice behind the door and felt a fleeting hope that Ginny had returned. The door cracked open and he recoiled at the sudden light.

"Harry?" Hermione whispered, and Harry's heart fell, staring numbly at his bushy haired friend as she opened the door fully and looked at him with sympathy. "I thought you might be in here," she said softly. "I saw you come in with Ginny this morning. When you didn't show up for classes today I asked her where you might be and she told me about…well you know. Come on Harry, let's get you back to the dormitory. Ron brought up dinner for you."

He followed her, barely cognizant of the way his joints creaked upon finally moving after hours of standing still. Hermione glanced at him every few steps with concern, keeping one hand lightly on his elbow as though she were worried he'd run away. Just before the portrait hole, he stopped and looked at her, a sudden light in his eyes that Hermione found rather unsettling.

"You still have that coin, right, the one with the Protean Charm on it from the DA?" he whispered. She nodded hesitantly and Harry grinned in a way that reminded Hermione of those on Muggle plastic dolls. "I need you to keep a watch tonight. On Ginny. I need you to let me know when she leaves. And I don't want to hear it, Hermione. I'm not going to do anything but find out who she's meeting and come back."

He stared at her until she finally bobbed her head in agreement and clambered through the portrait hole, heading directly past the common room and up the stairs. Ron was sitting on Harry's bed, a plate of sandwiches next to him with only one half eaten. Ron looked up when Harry walked in, giving his friend the same sympathetic look Hermione had.

"So why'd you two break up then?" he asked bluntly.

"She found someone else," he replied. Ron looked shocked, then outraged.

"She's beencheatingon you?!" he roared, and pulled his wand from his pocket when Harry replied in the affirmative. He made for the door, but Harry grabbed his arm and yanked him back down on the bed.

"I don't want a big fuss made right now," he muttered, keeping a grip on Ron as he tried to break free. "I'm going to find out who. It's my battle, Ron, and I'll decide what to do about it when I have all the facts. For right now, just let me eat and think, all right?"

Ron nodded tightly, sitting back against Harry's headboard with a thunk and crossed his arms against his chest. He watched Harry eat with narrowed eyes and eyed the sandwich he'd been eating pointedly when Harry only ate half.

"Finish that sandwich, mate. Hermione ordered me to tell her if you hadn't eaten enough. She's got Dobby on standby with a Nutritional Potion."

Harry grimaced and forced down the rest of the sandwich. "You two worry too much."

Ron grinned. "It's 'cause we care about you, dolt." He vanished the plate of sandwiches and yawned, standing up and grabbing Harry's bag before heading for the door.

"I'm heading to the common room and I'm taking your homework with me. I'm sure I can convince our resident bookworm that these are trying times and therefore an exception should be made." He winked and left, leaving Harry to fall back against his pillows with a sigh.

He flicked the curtains of his bed closed and pulled his DA coin from his pocket, staring at it in his outstretched hand and waiting for it to heat.

It was near midnight when it eventually did and Harry quickly leapt out of bed and swung his invisibility cloak about his shoulders. Making almost no noise, he slid down the banister to the bottom floor and clambered through the portrait hole just before it swung shut. He followed Ginny down the stairs, trying to guess who she was going to meet. As they descended lower and lower into the castle, Harry felt sick as he realized she must be heading for the Slytherin dormitory. Sure enough, she stopped by the brick wall he knew concealed their common room and waited, Harry lurking invisible behind a corner. A short time later, the wall opened to reveal Blaise Zabini, who looked down at Ginny with a sneer.

"You're late," he whispered, stroking her cheek.

"There were patrols on the third floor and…" she trailed off as he laid a finger against her lower lip.

"You know I despise excuses," he said in that same soft whisper. Harry watched with revulsion as Ginny shuddered and moaned Zabini's name softly. "Get inside and take your punishment."

Harry watched in horrified fascination as Ginny did as ordered and the wall closed behind them.

I love you for everything you ever took from me

I love the way you dominate and you violate me

I love you for every time you gave up on me

I love you for the way you look when you lie to me

I love you for never believing in what I say

I love you for never once giving me my way

I love you for never delivering me from pain

I love you for always driving me insane

Song used for chapter Blood by In This Moment

I do not own the song or the characters used in this fic.


	2. Almost

Harry fled, straight to the seventh floor, uncaring of who might hear him. The door to the Room of Requirement appeared and he practically threw himself inside, not even questioning why it had opened without him making a request, and cast his cloak aside. Looking about wildly, he spotted a couch with several plump pillows and sat down, hard. Grabbing one, he screamed into it for countless minutes, letting out all the resentment and pain and betrayal before ripping the pillow to shreds and chucking the whole of it into the hearth, feeling no satisfaction as he watched the feathers and fabric catch fire.

Harry tried to breathe but couldn't seem to get enough oxygen in his lungs to keep his head from spinning. He tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Ginny, the woman he loved and idolized, the woman he had jumped in front of curses for and bled for, the woman who's face he wanted to see at the end of every night and first thing when he woke up, had come to detest him.

 _All the little pieces falling, shatter._

 _Shards of me,_

 _Too sharp to put back together._

 _Too small to matter,_

 _But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces._

Harry couldn't keep himself together any longer and let his fear and anxiety overwhelm him, bursting into heavy sobs. His head in his hands, he couldn't see a way out of the pit he had fallen into and despaired, knowing without any doubt left that there was no point to life anymore. Without someone to live and fight for, he would not survive Voldemort.

He raised his head and stared into the flames.That's the solution, he thought, feeling slightly mad.I can't fight anymore. I'm useless. I just have to leave it to Ron and Hermione now. Without me to take care of, they can fight without distraction and win. It's best for everyone if I go.

Grinning now that he knew his course of action, he grabbed the dagger that appeared on the couch next to him. He stared at the blade as it glittered in the firelight, and felt pleased that something so beautiful would help him end it. Without hesitation, he dragged the sharp edge down his left wrist, cutting as deep as he was able. He marveled as he felt no pain and fleetingly wondered if the dagger was magic before slicing into his right wrist.

Harry let the dagger drop to the floor and rested his head against the back of the sofa. He felt like he was floating and the screaming in his head was growing quieter. Harry smiled and sighed happily, shutting his eyes and letting everything go, just like Ginny had told him to.

 _And I bleed,_

 _I bleed,_

 _And I breathe,_

 _I breathe no more._

Distantly, he thought he heard a roar of anger and struggled to open his eyes to see what was disturbing him. He couldn't seem to manage it and, deciding it was too much effort, resumed enjoying the detached feeling.

"Potter! Don't you fuckingdare, you inconsiderate piece of shit. Don't youdaredie on me! Potter! POTTER! HARRY!"

Harry forced himself to use his remaining energy to open his eyes and gazed drowsily up at Draco Malfoy. His sleeves were rolled up and he was frantically wrapping some sort of fabric around Harry's wrists, his face even paler than usual. He didn't seem to see Harry's eyes open and kept screaming at him.

"You useless idiot, do you have any idea what would happen with you gone? Do you think we're better off? The Dark Lord would win immediately, no one would be able to go on if you die.Iwouldn't be able to go on. Do you hear me, you bloody arsehole? I fucking love you. I can't lose you. Iwon't."

"You…" Harry whispered, and Draco's grey eyes shot to his, fear shining in their depths. "Maybe…I should have dreamed of you…" he sighed and closed his eyes again.

"HARRY!"

 _But I know the difference,_

 _Between myself and my reflection._

 _I just can't help but to wonder,_

 _Which of us do you love._

 ** _Song used is Breathe No More by Evanescence_**

 ** _I do not own song or characters of this fic._**


	3. Watched

Harry drifted in the soft velvet blackness, reveling in the luxury of feeling nothing for a change. Every once in a while, his peace would be disturbed by someone manhandling him and something being forced down his throat. He never fought it, seeing as how he felt a little restored each time it happened. He was satisfied to drift as long as he was allowed, and did not dare let himself think about what would happen he had to come back. Eventually, he decided for himself to wake up before anyone could force him.

Harry's eyes fluttered open and he stared around in confusion. He had expected to be in the hospital wing. Instead, he found himself in a soft four poster bed decorated in green and silver. There was the couch and fireplace, somehow pristine once more. And there, in an armchair by the bed, slept Draco Malfoy, his blond hair disheveled, his shirt wrinkled and bloody, and his shoes nowhere to be seen. Potion bottles littered the floor and table beside the bed. Harry held up his arms, straining slightly as though he weren't used to their weight, and saw clean white bandages wrapped neatly about his arms from wrist to elbow.

He shifted to get more comfortable and Malfoy's eyelids snapped open. For a moment Harry though time had frozen as Malfoy stared at him, his silver-grey eyes bloodshot. Then Malfoy shot up and put a hand on Harry's forehead, sighing with what sounded like relief when he found it cool to the touch.

"If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd still be stupid," Malfoy said, sitting back down and crossing his arms, glaring at Harry. "Care to tell me what in the bloody wide world of wizards you thought you were doing?"

"Why am I still here?" Harry asked, trying to put off answering, not wanting to share unless he had to.

Malfoy narrowed his eyes. "I didn't think carrying the Boy Who Lived to the hospital wing covered in blood and almost beyond saving would have looked very good for me. Besides that, I didn't think you'd want anyone to see you like that or you'd have tried to off yourself in a place you'd be sure to be found. Plus," he sighed and his voice got so quiet Harry could barely hear him, "I was ridiculously worried and wanted you to get help as quickly as possible."

"Why did you save me, Malfoy?" Harry practically spat. "That's the real question. Why couldn't you just fucking let me die?!"

A pained expression crossed Malfoy's face. Harry felt a twinge of remorse, but kept his expression blank.

 _Now that I know what I'm without_

 _You can't just leave me_

 _Breathe into me and make me real_

 _Bring me to life_

"Let me ask you first, Potter. Did you happen to…overhear anything I was yelling at you the other night?"

Harry thought hard. The memories were hazy but the words came floating back and his eyes widened.

"You…" he stared at Malfoy. "Why? Why do you…I thought you despised me."

"I used to," Malfoy replied, staring down at his lap. "Those first few years, I truly did. I never understood why you would reject me for someone you had just met, especially someone my family told me my whole life were terrible people. I hated you right up until near the end of fourth year. It was when you reappeared after the Triwizard tournament. Diggory wasn't your friend. You had no reason to like him whatsoever. You owed him nothing. But you still risked your life to bring him back. You agonized over losing someone who was not a close friend. I realized then that you weren't this horrible, stuck up, goody two shoes I had built you up to be. You were genuinely kind and cared about everyone whether they were pleasant to you or not.

"After taking a long look at myself I thought back over the years since I met you and I realized thatIwas in the wrong the whole time. Myfamilywas wrong. I started watching you, trying to learn how to 'fix' myself. I watched your friendship with Granger and Weasley and tried to bring some of that to my own relationships. However, Slytherin is not as…welcoming as Gryffindor and I have been somewhat of an outcast for the last three years. My parents think I'm utterly useless now. Despite it, I kept trying. I don't want to be a terrible person.

"Somewhere along the way, I realized I loved you. Not just the brave face you put on in public or the fearless one you use in battle. I fell in love with the faces you wore when no one was watching, the one that showed how insecure you were, the one that showed nothing but pure kindheartedness. I watched as you fell in love with the girl Weasley and watched as you changed to try and suit her. I saw her treat you like dirt and I saw you treat her even nicer because of it. I watched her go to Zabini and cursed her for hurting you. I was returning to the common room when I felt you run past me. I knew you had probably seen and tried to find you. When I couldn't, I tried to contact your friends, but I don't know if my owl woke them. I thought you would come here if you were trying to hide and arrived just in time." Malfoy stopped and sighed. "I don't care if you hate me. I don't care if you never speak to me again. Just know, that no matter what you may think, your death would cause nothing but pain and heartache for many more people than you can possibly imagine."

Harry felt the tears welling up again and buried his face his hands, shoulders heaving as he was wracked with great, heavy sobs. He felt Malfoy's hand on his shoulder, stoking his back softly and uncertainly. Harry turned and buried his head in Malfoy's shoulder, desperate for some sort of comfort. He felt Malfoy tense up for a moment before his arms wrapped around Harry's shaking body and hug him close.

 _All this time I can't believe I couldn't see_

 _Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me_

 _I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems_

 _Got to open my eyes to everything_

 _ **Song is Bring Me to Life by Evanescence**_

 _ **I do not own this song or any characters in this fic**_


	4. Say It

When Harry's sobs had quieted to soft hiccups, he loosened his hold on Malfoy –no, Draco, he thought – and sat back, gripping his hand instead of his waist. Draco looked confused but tenderly entwined their fingers as Harry draped himself along his side and rested his head on Draco's shoulder.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Draco asked softly. "I never thought the Harry I watched would ever give up so completely. What happened?"

Softly, Harry explained, starting with what Ginny had said to him in that empty classroom. Draco's eyes flashed but didn't interrupt as Harry continued.

"Every time I've had to fight, I've always had someone else I was fighting for," Harry explained. "My parents, or my friends, or Ginny. I've never had a reason to fight for myself. So when I lost this reason, my past just overwhelmed me and I couldn't hold on any longer. It wasn't just Ginny. It was every bad thing that's ever happened, all the things I keep locked behind the doors in my head. It was the Dursleys, and Voldemort, and Sirius' death. It was every scar I've gotten protecting people and every nightmare I've ever had. There's so much pain I just shattered under the weight, Draco. There's so much…" he drifted off as Draco's hand came up to wipe a tear from his cheek.

 _Do you think you could look past my fears_

 _Tell me now my love_

 _Because I will lose it in your eyes, I see firelight in your eyes_

 _I know that things will be better when you are by my side_

Draco gripped Harry's hand in his right hand tighter and with his left gently stroked Harry's hair back from his face. "It's all right," he whispered to the distraught teen. "You've been through so much. I don't even know what you've gone through before I met you. If you'll let me, I'd like to be there for you. Please…may I be your friend?"

Harry moved suddenly. As Draco turned his head to see why, Harry captured his lips in a searing kiss. He straddled Draco's lap and gently cupped his face, deepening the kiss. Draco was unresponsive at first, but slowly began to kiss the other man back, alternatively gripping Harry's hips and running them lightly down his back.

When they broke apart for air, Draco dropped his head to Harry's chest. "Why?" he murmured.

"Because you're here and you'rereal," Harry replied, nuzzling the crown of Draco's head. "You'rerealand I need something, anything, real to keep me here, to keep me from drifting off again, to make me forget everything, just for a little while. I need to feel something other than this crushing weight, Draco,please. I need you, I promise I won't go anywhere, please…" Harry knew he was babbling, but he felt like the slightest wind could shatter him and he needed an anchor, praying that Draco would be his.

 _I'm guarded, I'm fragile, but if anyone could ever save me now, you can_

 _Are you strong enough? Am I enough?_

Draco lifted his head again and kissed Harry again. Harry didn't see the tears glinting in Draco's eyes, just kissed him back, hands frantically unbuttoning Draco's shirt, desperate to touch him. His hands slid inside, pushing the fabric back from the blond man's shoulders so he could caress the man unimpeded. Startled, he paused as he felt the raised ridges that decorated Draco's back.

"It's all right," Draco whispered. "They're old scars. They don't hurt anymore."

Harry moved off Draco's lap and gently pushed his shoulder so he would turn. Draco sighed but did so, revealing the cross hatch pattern that spanned his entire back. Harry ran his fingers over them, silently asking.

"I haven't gone home in three years," Draco said, still facing away from Harry. "I told my father I didn't want to follow in his footsteps. This was his response. I've been living with Sev…Professor Snape. It is not public knowledge."

Draco sucked in his breath as Harry pressed his lips against his back. Harry kissed each scar he could reach, finally encircling Draco's waist and kissing up his neck to his lips. Draco and Harry both moaned into each other's mouths, and Draco turned back around. Harry moved to straddle his lap again, but Draco shifted them so he was lying on top of the Gryffindor, kissing his way down his chest until he reached his pants. Harry panted as Draco palmed him through his slacks, letting Draco go at his own pace but all too eager to lose the the tortous constriction his pants seemed to have become. Draco gazed into Harry's eyes as he unbuttoned the raven haired man pants and slipped a hand inside his boxers. Harry's head fell back as he groaned, then groaned louder as he was enveloped by the soft wet heat of Draco's mouth.

Draco swirled his tongue around Harry's cock, humming in pleasure as the taste of his lover swept over his tongue. Gently massaging his testicles with one hand, he grasped Harry's shaft with the other and moved it in rhythm with the bobbing of his head. Harry's hands buried themselves in Draco's hair, his toes curling in the bedsheets.

"Draco…please…I want to feel you inside me…" Harry begged. Draco gave Harry's cock one last lick before kissing his way back to Harry's mouth, kissing him deeply as he undid his own pants. He kicked them off and finished divesting Harry of his before nestling between the Gryffindor's legs and grinding their cocks together. Harry whimpered and clutched at Draco's back.

"Harry…Harry are you sure?" Draco murmured against his lips.

 _Do you think that you could lose yourself in me?_

 _I could say I want to die by your side one day_

 _But I could never speak the words_

 _Because they haven't wrote the words that mean enough to me_

 _Stop and say you love me, always, I'll say the same to you_

"Yes…please...I want you…" Harry whispered back.

Draco cast a wordless lubrication spell and a preparation spell. Harry moaned at the feeling of being stretched open, and moaned even louder as he felt the tip of Draco's cock push inside. Draco went slow, allowing time for Harry to relax and adjust to the feeling. He paused as his sack pressed against Harry's ass, waiting for the raven haired man's breathless nod to continue.

It started slow, the blond trying to convey how much he loved the man below him with every thrust and kiss. Harry wrapped his legs around the Slytherin's hips and gripped his hair, dragging him down for an almost bruising kiss. Draco sped up, stroking Harry's cock in time with his thrusts. Both could feel themselves reaching the edge and conveyed this to each other with a little more roughness every passing moment.

Finally, Harry broke away from the kiss and practically screamed Draco's name as he came all over their chests. Draco, seeing this, couldn't hold on any longer and came deep inside Harry, his face blood red.

He rolled off of Harry, scrounging up enough energy to whisper a cleaning spell.

Harry curled into his side, tangling their legs together as they drifted off.

"I love you," Draco whispered into Harry's hair, wrapping his arms around him.

Harry waited until Draco's breathing deepened before replying.

"I love you, too."

He fell asleep and did not notice Draco's eyes open nor the single tear that fell from his eye.

 _Stop and say you love me, always, I'll say the same to you_

 _ **Song is Stop and Say You Love Me by Evans Blue**_

 _ **I do not own the song or any characters in this fic**_


	5. Return

They woke much later, a quick _Tempus_ spell telling them it was near three in the morning. They knew they should probably leave and face the world once more but they couldn't bring themselves to move.

"How long have I been missing, Draco?" Harry whispered, knowing the other man was still awake.

"We've been here nearly a week," Draco replied. He smirked at Harry's sudden intake of breath. "Yes, I am sure the professors and your friends are absolutely destroyed with worry. However, I am also positive that they have guessed you are here and can't get in. At the very least, I am sure Dumbledore knows and is managing things."

Harry chose not to reply, choosing instead to curl himself closer to Draco's warmth.

 _There's a life inside of me that I can feel again  
It's the only thing that takes me where I've never been  
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known  
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight, your arms feel like home_

"What am I going to do," he finally whispered into Draco's chest.

"Well," replied the blond, running a hand through Harry's dark hair, a feeling Harry was quickly becoming enamored with, "it depends on you. I have a thought of what to do first, but you may not like it."

"What?" Harry asked warily, tilting his head to look at Draco's face.

"Talk to Severus," the Slytherin said. Seeing the horror on Harry's face he continued quickly. "I know your history with him. I know he has been nothing but terrible to you. You have to understand though, quite a lot of it is because of his job. You know he's a spy right?" Harry nodded. "The Dark Lord is very, very good at Occlumency. Severus is a very accomplished Legilimens but even he cannot block him from seeing everything. He lets The Dark Lord see how badly he treats you so that he can see Severus is not trying to protect you or care for you at all. The rest is that he feels you don't respect him or that you know what he is doing and you don't care."

Harry thought about Draco's words, and Draco let him, hand not ceasing its movement in the black locks. When Harry sat up, Draco let him go and followed him in dressing. Draco put his robes back on to cover the bloodstains still on his shirt and pants, grimacing as he did so. Harry reached the door to the Room of Requirement and paused, taking a deep steadying breath before holding out his hand to Draco. Draco took it, entwining their fingers, and followed Harry out the door and down the stairwells leading to the dungeons. Draco whispered directions as they walked until he pulled Harry to a halt in front of a nondescript door near the entrance to the Slytherin common room. Draco knocked; they waited.

The door creaked open to reveal a very obviously ruffled and just awoken Professor Snape. He peered blearily at the two, then his eyes widened in recognition and he reached out, grabbing the front of each of their robes and yanking them inside before slamming the door behind them.

"WHERE IN HELL HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?" he roared. Harry flinched and shrunk back, Draco wrapping an arm around his waist to support him. Snape's yelling continued unimpeded. "DO YOU HAVE ANY EARTHLY IDEA HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE FRANTICALLY SEARCHING THE COUNTRYSIDE FOR YOU AT THIS VERY MOMENT? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED EVERYONE IS? HOW WORRIED I WAS? WHAT-" Suddenly he stopped and noticed finally how close the two were standing and the stark white bandages adorning Harry's wrists.

"Explain," he demanded, and sat down on his sofa. "Now."

Draco spoke, knowing instinctively that Harry would not want to speak initially. He explained how he had followed Harry and found him near death, and had spent the past days nursing him back to health.

"That's why we're here, sir," Draco finished, glancing at Harry. "We need your help."

"And what, pray tell, do you need my help with exactly?" Snape queried, looking pointedly at Harry.

The Gryffindor took a deep breath. "I can't leave Draco's side right now, Professor. I'm not strong enough. I can't go back to being by myself again right now, I can't face the nightmares. I'll break again. I need your advice please, sir."

The Potions Professor considered him silently for a moment. "Are Granger and Weasley not providing enough support?" he asked quietly.

"They are, sir, but this is not something they would understand. They are very protective and over cautious of how I may react to things. As such, they keep secrets and simply 'take care' of me as they see fit. I have not told them of what I go through at the Dursleys. That knowledge would be enough that they would never feel like they could trust me with anything more difficult than dressing myself on my own ever again. Add what just happened and they may very well just swaddle me in cotton and spoon feed me."

Snape smirked at the bitterness in Harry's voice but quickly sobered. "I have an idea, but I must first discuss it with the Headmaster. Do not get your hopes up too high as I explain. My thought is this – you and Draco would share my quarters. No one would have to know you are sharing the same room. We would spread that idea that you both disappeared for training purposes. You were being shown how to avoid detection by unwanted foes. You living here will be explained by the fact that a new threat has arisen and you both require the added protection of a full-fledged wizard. The reason I believe the Headmaster may come up with a different plan is that by doing this I would be effectively ending my usefulness as a spy. Pledging my protection of the Dark Lord's most hated enemy and the traitor son of his most loyal follower would leave no doubt as to where my loyalties lie."

"If Voldemort is going to hurt you, then we'll just have to come up with something else," Harry declared angrily. "I won't have you hurt because of me."

Snape smiled warmly, the first such smile Harry had ever seen on the man's face. He hadn't known the teacher _could_ smile in such a way. "I thank you for your care for my wellbeing, Potter, but it is a situation that would have presented itself sooner rather than later. The Dark Lord is preparing for his war. My loyalty to the Light would not have remained hidden for much longer. Better that I reveal myself doing something as important as this than suddenly in the heat of battle."

The Potions Professor rose from his seat and strode towards his fireplace. "I will go and speak to the Headmaster now. In the meantime, there is a spare bedroom through that doorway. Get some rest. I will not be back for a very long while, I believe." He threw a pinch of glittering green powder into the fireplace and disappeared in a flash.

Harry and Draco entered the spare room, pleased to discovered two sets of pajamas laying on the covers. Changing quickly, the two curled together under the warm down comforter and drifted into a light sleep, hoping for the news that they would not be separated when morning came.

 _This life ain't the fairy tale we both thought it would be  
But I can see your smiling face as its staring back at me  
I know we both see these changes now.  
I know we both understand somehow._

 _Your arms feel like home._

 **Song is Your Arms Feel Like Home by Three Doors Down**

 **I do not own the song or any of the characters in this fic**


	6. Change

Harry was trapped again in his familiar hell. He could smell the floor polish permeating everything he wore and touched. The bucket next to him sloshed as he shifted it to the next spot of floor he had to scrub and cringed as the bucket tilted and fell over, knowing what would come next. Sirius had died some two months previous and there was no one to protect him now. He went limp against the floor as the belt whistled through to air to strike his bare back, but could not stifle his scream of pain. The agony went on and on, no matter how much he begged or pleaded for mercy. He could hear the laughter of his aunt and cousin as they watched Vernon beat the teenager before him. Harry wept, knowing that he was to blame for his punishment and no one could help him…

"Harry…Harry, wake up. Wake up, love. You're safe, you're dreaming, it's not real, they can't hurt you."

Draco's voice brought him back to consciousness, awaking with a gasping sob. Instinctively he clung to the body next to him, soaking in his warmth and security.

 _So afraid of dreaming,  
The story is repeating, screaming,  
Monsters, I'm bleeding,  
I'm losing light in myself,  
Come back into me, 'cause only you can save me._

"May I ask what exactly those Muggle relatives of yours did to you, Potter?" Professor Snape's voice broke through the haze in Harry's mind. He could hear the barely repressed rage in the Potion Masters voice and tried to bury himself farther under the blankets to avoid the question.

"Harry." The professor's voice was softer now. "I am not angry with you, this I swear. No harm will come to you in this room."

With Draco rubbing his back encouragingly, Harry reemerged from the blankets. "The Dursleys…don't like me. No…they despise me. They treated me worse than any house elf and beat me if I made the slightest mistake. I was dreaming of the summer after fifth year. For two years, they had believed that my godfather would swoop in and murder them if they touched me. Then that summer they were informed that Sirius was dead. The last two summers were worse than any previous, like they were making up for lost time. They put me back in the cupboard under the stairs and only let me out to clean. I ate what I could steal from the garbage when they weren't looking. I was dreaming of when I spilled the bucket of floor polish. I almost didn't survive to come back to school last year."

The very air in the room seemed to crackle and Harry's eyes widened as he took in the towering rage that was his professor. Actual sparks were leaping off his robes and hair, his fingers white as they clenched his shaking wand. He glanced at Draco, who wasn't much better. No sparks were present, but if looks could kill, his relatives would have been buried that instant.

"Professor?" he asked, feeling very small in the older man's presence. "Are you all right?"

Snape seemed to snap back to reality, blinking several times and inhaling sharply through his nose as he pulled himself together. "I am fine, Potter. Furious at many people for allowing this to happen, but I personally am fine now."

Snape sat at the edge of the bed and regarded the two, choosing how best to approach the topic at hand.

"This is a discussion we should continue, as I feel it will be beneficial to all of us and help us reach a better understanding of each other, an understanding that has been severely lacking up till today. However, another matter takes precedence. I have spoken to the Headmaster. He is currently seated in my living room, waiting to speak with you on how this situation will be resolved. I have cleaned your clothing but you have time for a quick shower. The Headmaster asked me to assure you there is no rush. That door in the corner," he waved his wand and the aforementioned door swung open, "is where the bathroom is located. We will be waiting outside once you have finished." He stood and swept from the room, shutting the entry door behind him softly.

 _It won't go away,  
These aching memories still dance around me,  
Spilling over everything with beauty_

Draco helped Harry from the bed, as he was still very weak from his ordeal and recent nightmare. He led the Gryffindor to the shower, casting waterproof spells over his bandages before allowing him to enter the water stream. Harry began to relax and allowed Draco to minister to his needs, leaning back against him as Draco washed his black locks before his own. Mindful of their waiting audience, they washed themselves as speedily as they were able and dried themselves with their wands, dressing and stepping out into the living area, hands entwined once more.

Albus Dumbledore smiled serenely enough at them, though his eyes had a somewhat steely cast. Harry sat down as close to Draco as he was able, unable to break the Headmaster's gaze.

"Severus has informed me of the events that transpired this week, as well as the treatment you have been receiving at your aunt and uncle's house. Let me first inform you that it is never again necessary for you to return there. I will also be paying them a visit in the very near future. As to your current situation, I agree with Severus' thoughts on the matter. You may reside with Mr. Malfoy here as long as you feel you need to. To fuel the rumor that you were away on a training mission, I will also be implementing extra classes for you both to teach you more advanced forms of magic. Namely, protection and defense, both of which Professor Snape is adept in. He has willingly agreed to tutor you and is also mindful that you must first complete your normal school assignments before you work on anything extra. I have also suggested, and Professor Snape has agreed, that it would be extremely beneficial to both you and Mr. Malfoy to spend several hours a week with him in counseling and trying to come to a healthier state of mental strength. I am excusing you both from classes today to retrieve your belongings from your Houses and get settled in to your new quarters. You are expected to resume class tomorrow and discuss with your professors what you must do in order to cover what you have missed. Do we have an agreement, gentlemen?" Harry and Draco nodded happily, twin sighs of heavy relief expelled from their lungs. "Very good then. I will be on my way; I seem to have much work to do. Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter, Severus, I bid you adieu."

The Headmaster Flooed away, leaving the three alone. Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I will escort you both to your respective Houses. I will not separate you, but I suggest you do not openly show your new found affection for each other outside of these walls. It is information that could be very dangerous in the wrong hands. I also, as much as it pains me to say, suggest you invite Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley to my quarters this evening to provide them with some measure of understanding."

Harry nodded his agreement and followed the professor to the front entrance, reluctantly letting go of Draco's hand before they left. He felt slightly better as Draco walked close enough in the empty hallways that their shoulders brushed with every other step.

 _I belong with you now,  
Oh please give in to me,  
And stay forever,  
Don't leave me behind._

 **Song used is Don't Leave Me Behind by We Are The Fallen**

 **I do not own the song or any characters in this fic.**


	7. Beginning Again

Since it was closest, they headed towards the Slytherin House first. Apparently not needing a password, Snape simply waved his hand to open the hidden doorway and led them through to the common room. Students looked up from their activities. Some, seeing the professor, turned back to what they had been doing. Others, noticing who followed him, continued to stare as the trio went down the corridor to the boy's dormitories.

Draco waved his wand once they entered, opening his trunk and floating his clothing into neat piles inside. Once his nightstand was emptied, Snape shrunk his godson's trunk and tucked it into a pocket of his robes. He turned and swept his robes behind him as he stalked out the door, reminding Harry once again of the bat he had so often called him in the past. Harry snickered and shook his head at Draco's raised eyebrow, choosing instead to focus on keeping up with the Potions Master's long strides. None of the Slytherins spoke to them and none of them looked up as they left.

Gryffindor was a different story. Harry knew what he was probably walking into and had tried to mentally prepare himself but was overwhelmed by nearly the entirety of his House crowding around him, demanding an explanation for his disappearance. The only people he did not see were Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. He thanked Merlin that the last had chosen to not appear.

He told them the story that had been decided on and extracted himself as quickly as possible, leading Draco and Snape up the stairs to his room. There he found Ron and Hermione sitting side by side on his bed, waiting for him.

Ron's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair when he saw Snape and Draco behind him, but held his tongue, instead crossing his arms and clearly waiting for Harry to start talking. Hermione simply looked furious, perched on the very edge of the mattress with her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

"Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley, I am sure you have many questions and you have the right as Mr. Potter's friends to an explanation," Professor Snape said after clearly his throat. The two looked at him, Hermione half opening her mouth but was stalled by the Professor holding up a hand. "I ask that we not have this discussion here. You are both invited to my personal rooms this evening after dinner, where Mr. Potter will provide you with a full and complete description of what has happened. At the moment, we would appreciate your assistance in gathering his belongings so that we can transport them to his new residence."

 _Everything I ever wanted  
It was there within my reach  
I spent all I had to get it  
And found it wasn't what I need_

Ron started grabbing Harry's clothes and flinging them haphazardly into his trunk, clearly still upset but for once keeping his mouth shut in the presence of the professor. Hermione gathered his things from his nightstand and under his bed, packing his things far more neatly than Ron, though Harry could see her eyes snapping and the stern set of her chin. Harry was grateful to Snape for allowing him some more time before having to face them. His things packed, they left through the portrait hole once more, this time the severe glare of Snape keeping his House at bay.

Back in Snape's quarters, Harry fled to the bedroom, burying himself under the mound of blankets. Draco followed and laid a hand on his back through the fabric separating them, rubbing in gentle circles. He didn't speak, which Harry appreciated, taking the time to gather his thoughts and reorient himself.

 _I'm walking away from the trouble  
Walking away on the double  
Cutting the ties, leaving behind the old life  
I'm walking into a brighter light_

"Potter, would you and Draco join me in the living room please? I believe we need to lay out some ground rules if we are going to cohabitate peacefully."

Harry reluctantly came out of his blanket nest and followed Draco out of the room, grasping his hand once more. Snape waited for them, draped in a plump armchair, and he motioned for them to sit in on the duvet across from it.

"Before I begin, is there anything you'd like to ask of me?" he queried.

Draco cleared his throat. "I haven't asked him, but for me personally I'd like to request that you call him Harry, at least here." He looked at the raven haired man tucked against his side and smiled at his nod of agreement.

"It would make me feel a bit less like I was intruding, Professor," Harry said quietly.

Snape nodded thoughtfully. "I will agree to this. I would also add that you both may call me Severus in these rooms but nowhere someone else might overhear." He smiled as the two teens nodded again in promise. "Now then. I hardly need tell you that I am very used to my solitude and it may take some getting used to having you both here. Draco and I have cohabitated for years and I am used to his style of living and he to mine. If there is something you are unsure about, Harry, I am sure Draco will have the answers.

"Now, as for ground rules." He waved his wand at a door in the very back of his quarters, which swung open and then shut once more. "That is my personal Potions laboratory. I have many delicate experiments and do not want them disrupted, both for my own peace of mind and your safety. If I am occupied inside, knock and wait for me to exit and never enter alone without my express permission. The same rule applies to my bedroom. Fortunately, our rooms are not directly next to one another, but I would still ask that you cast a silencing charm and a ward before engaging in…other activities to avoid disturbances." Harry hid his embarrassed smile against Draco's shoulder. "As to the rest of my quarters, you may roam where you please. I expect you to pick up after yourselves and maintain your studies while you reside here. Are we in accord, gentlemen?"

"Yes, sir," the two chorused and Snape smiled.

"Very well then. I leave you both now as I have classes to attend to. I expect to see you at dinner." He left, leaving the two alone to unpack.

 _Finding it all in you this time  
I'm crossing the line, fixing my eyes on paradise  
I'm walking away_

It took less time than they thought to get settled. There were no words spoken but they automatically moved together in arranging their things side by side instead of choosing to separate by sides of the room.

"What should I call you?" Harry said quietly once they had finished. Draco turned around in the closet and looked at him inquiringly. Harry sucked in a breath and continued. "I mean…are we…what are we to each other?"

"I am Draco, and you are Harry. We don't need to label what we have right now if you don't want. If, someday, you want to call me your boyfriend I would be very happy, but it's not something I require at this moment."

"Boy-boyfriend?" Harry stuttered, and flushed red. "I…I want that. But…" He sighed. "I didn't even think I _liked_ men like that until recently. I still don't think I could like another man in that way. Maybe it's just you?"

Draco sat next to him on the bed and kissed the top of his head. "You can call me boyfriend and I will call you the same. As to the rest, sexuality isn't a point A to point B scenario. Very rarely do people fall into such a category. You are not abnormal, just discovering a new aspect of yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that."

"But…how can you stand to be around me?" Harry asked, trying to hold back the flood of tears, heartily sick of crying. "I'm not…I'm not _whole_ anymore. I'm useless like this, I make myself sick, how can you even look at me, I-"

Draco's lips captured his own, cutting off his words. "Love isn't a straight line, either," he whispered once they had separated. Harry gave in to the tears and sobbed into Draco's shoulder once again, not resisting as the blond pulled him into his lap and held him close.

 _You've led me out of my darkness  
You fill my lungs again with air  
With peace beyond my understanding  
And now nothing will compare_

 **Song used is Walking Away by Unspoken**

 **I do not own the song or the characters in this fic**


	8. Heal

They roused themselves as the hour for dinner drew near. Pausing at the doors to the Great Hall, they realized they had no idea of where to sit.

"Potter! Malfoy!" A Slytherin prefect strode down the hall toward them with a sneer. "You two, due to your…extenuating circumstances, will both be dining at the Gryffindor table from now on. I have been told to inform you that this is not up for debate and that you are not allowed to fight during meal times. Enjoy your new life, blood traitor." The last was hissed to Draco as the prefect pushed past them.

Harry's hand twitched, torn between wanting to punch the arrogance off the prefect's face and taking Draco's hand to give him some comfort. Draco smiled at Harry to reassure him and led the way to the Gryffindor table.

All conversation stopped completely as they approached. Harry and Draco sat next to each other at the very end of the table, trying not to notice as the majority of the House scrunched closer together to put as much distance between themselves and the Slytherin as possible. Harry was gladdened to see Ron and Hermione leave their places and move down to the end to sit across from them, relieved that they weren't so angry with him that they would ignore him. After a moment, Colin Creevey, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, and Neville Longbottom moved down to them as well.

"Hiya Harry!" Colin chirped cheerfully. "So are you and Malfoy friends now? Did he go on the trip with you? Did you have fun?"

Harry couldn't help but smile at Colin, grateful that he at least wasn't changing his attitude towards him. "Yes, we're friends now. Yes, he went with me. No, we didn't really have fun, though there were some good moments. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you much more than that."

"I've gotta ask, Harry," Seamus said suddenly, stabbing his fork into his mashed potatoes. "You've hated each other since first year. Why would you possibly trust him now? Why should _we_ trust him?"

Harry glanced at Draco, who kept his eyes on his plate. "He saved my life," Harry replied. "If he hadn't been with me, I would have died. If you trust me at all, trust when I say that Draco has my complete confidence and has no bad intent towards Gryffindor any longer." He slipped a hand onto Draco's knee under the table unnoticed. Draco gave it a quick squeeze of thanks before letting go and Harry moved his hand back to his own lap and started putting food on his plate. He still didn't have much of an appetite, but he knew both Draco and Severus were watching him, not to mention Ron and Hermione.

Harry could still see mistrust in Ron and Hermione's eyes, but the others seemed to take him at his word and welcomed Draco into their midst with good grace. Even Neville plucked up enough courage to ask him about a particular Potions problem he was having difficulty with. The two had a lively discussion for the rest of dinner, Dean and Seamus both pulling out a quill and paper to jot several notes down for them to add to their own Potions homework.

The food vanished from the tables and the students gathered their belongings and left the hall. Harry made sure that Ron and Hermione were following before leading the way to Severus' quarters, whispering the password so they wouldn't hear. The two gazed around with interest until they spotted the Potions professor in his armchair, waiting for them with his fingers steepled before him.

"Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger, please have a seat there. Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter, the opposite couch if you please." Once all the teens were sat comfortably, Snape leaned forward and cleared his throat.

"The two of you were told at breakfast along with the rest of the school that Mr. Potter had just returned from an extended training excursion. This is the story we would like the rest of the school to continue to believe. I must ask you to keep what you learn here a secret. Do I have your agreement?"

At their nods, he gestured to Harry, who gulped and tried to remember how to breathe. Draco took his hand and rubbed his knuckles with his thumb. Harry steadied himself and looked at his friends, who looked shocked and confused, but no longer angry.

"You probably already realize I wasn't out training," he began. "I never even left the castle. The truth is…I followed Ginny that night and I found out who she was meeting. I found out that she meant every cruel word she spoke when she ended things. And I…broke. I went to the Room of Requirement. That's where Draco found me. What I said at dinner was true. He saved my life and I mean that literally. If he hadn't found me…I would have bled out." He heard Ron and Hermione's sharp intakes of breath but forced himself to continue. "He stayed with me and took care of me until I woke up. And he held me together afterwards. That's why we're both here. I'm still…fragile. I'm not strong enough to be without him right now. I hope you can understand that and not be too angry with me." He bowed his head and waited for them to speak.

 _And all those things I didn't say  
Wrecking balls inside my brain  
I will scream them loud tonight  
Can you hear my voice this time?_

He wasn't expecting Hermione to fling herself at him and wrap him in a tight hug. He looked up at Ron, who had tears glinting in his eyes. As he watched, his red haired friend dashed them away and huffed.

"I'm not angry at you, Harry. I'm angry at me. I'm angry because I couldn't see you hurting and I didn't help you. I feel like the world's worst friend, to be perfectly honest."

"Me too, Harry," Hermione said, letting him go and sitting back down next to Ron. "I don't know why I didn't see it. You been through so much and hadn't let it keep you down before so I suppose we just thought you'd do the same thing this time."

"I think," Draco said hesitantly, "that maybe you two just focused so much on protecting him, keeping him safe from everything in the present, you didn't realize it was the past that held more danger. When you've been through such terrible things like Harry has, it leaves indelible scars that fester and hurt unless addressed. They can't be healed unless focused on. I'm not blaming you for not noticing. You couldn't have unless he'd told you."

"I just didn't know how," Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe this all could have been avoided if I'd just be more open with you both. But the past is the past and I can't change what happened. All we can do now is learn from it and push forward. I think that, with you knowing and with Professor Snape and Draco's support, I can fight back. However long that will take."

 _Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep  
Everybody's worried about me  
In too deep  
Say I'm in too deep_

"We're with ya, mate," Ron said. Then he frowned. "I'm not gonna lie though, I'm not thrilled about this new development between you and Malfoy."

Harry opened his mouth but Draco stopped him with a soft hand on his arm.

"I won't deny that I have been a complete arse to you and your family, Weasley. I do not deserve forgiveness for my past actions. Suffice to say, I have seen the error of my ways. I have left my parent's house and am considered as much of a blood traitor by the Dark side as you are. I am an outcast in my own House. The entire reason for my change is because I fell in love with Harry. I wanted to be someone who he would let be near him and be his friend, even if he didn't reciprocate my feelings. Even now, knowing what I do, even if he never loves me back, I don't care. I just want to stay by him as long as he wants me there."

Ron and Hermione looked completely taken aback at Draco's confession. There was a long silence.

"Well then," Ron finally said. He stood and held out his hand to Draco, who looked at it in surprise. "I guess we're a quartet now…Draco."

Harry grinned at his friend and felt another tiny piece of himself fit back together, secure in the knowledge that he had the support of those he cared about most.

 _This is my fight song  
Take back my life song  
Prove I'm alright song  
My power's turned on  
Starting right now I'll be strong  
I'll play my fight song  
And I don't really care if nobody else believes  
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me_

 **Song used is Fight Song by Rachel Platten**

 **I do not own the song or any characters contained in this fic.**


End file.
